Tom Dowd: Road to success, don’t let personality be an excuse
Dizzy head. Pounding heart. Shaking limbs. Sweating body. Shallow breathing. Queasy stomach. These symptoms hold people back from what they really want — SUCCESS. Public speakers of all levels will resonate with the concise methods found in "From Fear to Success," an easy-to-read guide to overcome anxiety and relate to any audience on their journey to find their communication confidence.
15. Don't Let Personality be an Excuse (Audio of this chapter is available here.)
I'm too shy, too introverted, too loud, too boisterous, too extroverted, too technical, too judgmental, or too energetic to be a decent public speaker. The list can go on and on as to why people lack the confidence to speak publicly. Many other reasons seem to revolve around being too quiet and withdrawn; however, it doesn't mean that you don't have a message to send. Conversely, attention-grabbing extroverts have told me that they fear being in front of a group of people because of the risk of blurting out something ill-advised or untimely.
No two public speakers are exactly alike. Public speaking needs all types of personalities in order to relate to the many diverse audience's expectations. However, this is not just about the business of public speaking; it's about the personal side. You can use your own personality and interests as strong tools. If you are a "sports junky," find ways to include that in your presentations. It is important, however, to make sure you are being thoughtful and inclusive when talking about your own personal topics, such as sports and adventures that make you happy and comfortable. When using sports metaphors, for example, you should ensure that audiences will understand your references. I would avoid an American football metaphor like "Monday morning quarterback" if I was speaking in the United Kingdom, for example, since the popularity of the sport is not necessarily widespread there. As long as you are certain you and your audiences are on the same page, you can recount personal experiences playing or even watching events. You can describe how you felt when pushed to the limits or lessons you learned after a loss.
I like to share a story about when the 2004 Boston Red Sox were losing the American League Championship to the New York Yankees three games to zero in the seven-game series. I was invited by a friend who was a Yankees fan to go to game four at Fenway Park in Boston. No Major League Baseball (MLB) team had ever come back to win a series after losing the first three games. The Red Sox made a dramatic comeback in the ninth inning to tie the game. They won it in spectacular fashion with a homerun to win the game in the bottom of the twelfth inning. The Red Sox eventually became the first MLB team to ever win a series like this. The story and its messages have so many different twists and turns that can be tailored to many different audiences' tastes and expectations. I typically share that my Yankees friend conveniently needed to leave with the game tied at the top of the twelfth inning. In one of the arguably greatest baseball games ever played, I simply say that I heard the cheering outside the stadium since I was walking to the car. I never saw it. The message, which I temper with humor in the story, is: never walk away from potentially historic moments.
You can try infusing your personality and interests into a presentation to play to your strengths, if you can ensure that there are messages and points that relate back to the audience. This allows you to control the content that is meaningful to you and allows your own personality to shine because it has significance to you. You can also test and share your personality with others. Maybe you start with a more intimate audience sitting around a conference table. I often felt when I was first beginning that one of my strengths was one-on-one conversational teaching, and the smaller audience gave me the base to build my confidence and public-speaking skills. I began to expand my messaging to a few people around a table before taking it to a class of fifteen to twenty people. The process expanded as my strengths grew with my confidence. Your personality is who you are, but it should never be used as an excuse to avoid the opportunity to make you stronger. You can use your personality to your advantage, while also pushing further to transform over time into the person you want to be. No two speakers are exactly alike, and that is a good thing. Regardless of the personality you have shaped for yourself, you can grow into a successful public speaker.
16. Stop Comparing Yourself to Great Orators (Audio of this chapter is available here.)
I can't speak like that! You see someone on TV or go to a presentation and see someone who can speak circles around you. You might say I will never be like him or her, so why try? And so, our fear increases and our confidence falters because we have set the wrong bar. The bar is you. It may be nice to aspire to be someone whom you admire and want to emulate. The goal should be to reach the level of the better speakers, but the comparison should be how much you have improved yourself. If you said "um" and "ah" thirty-seven times in a five-minute speech, then your goal should be something less than thirty-seven the next time around. If you put others on a pedestal, you may never get on it. Set small improvement increments and aspire to attain them. Once they are reached, set more goals. Keep raising your own bar. You may be surprised at your own ascent.
17. Be Different — Be You (Audio of this chapter is available here.)
We see a speaker we enjoy, and we often want to be like him or her. Instead of emulating that person, however, try taking some of the things you like about the speaker and adding them to your repertoire. Some great things about great speakers should be copied: some speakers use vocal variety well, others have strong stage presence, and still others can tell a story simply with their hand gestures and facial expressions. You should, however, find what makes you who you are and strengthen that. Your success will be based on your ability to connect with an audience and have them take away your messages. Audiences should remember you for your signature style, not because you speak like (insert name here). While you grow as a speaker, find what has worked for you and keep refining it. Your niche is there; it just needs to be nourished. I watched plenty of videos of Toastmasters World Champions of Public Speaking and other successful presenters, but it was when I began to simply watch, listen, and enjoy the speeches rather than trying to copy them that I truly felt like I was making progress in achieving my goals.
18. It's Alright to Have a "Stage" Me — It's Still Me (Audio of this chapter is available here.)
It almost seems contradictory to have a section about finding your personal niche immediately followed by how different you may appear on stage. Let me explain. My wife watched some of my speeches and videos in disbelief and commented how different I was on stage. I was different on stage, to some extent, for many reasons. My confidence level had been rising, and I was developing an emerging personality comfortable enough at a podium to send strong messages. All of this is much different from sitting around the dinner table chatting. The stage me is still the "real" me; I am not being an actor up on stage. I couldn't be acting and still genuinely believe that my message would effectively relate and connect with the audience.
As my confidence continued to soar, I began to reconnect the stage me with the off-stage me. I'm sure I've narrowed the gap a little, but there will still most likely be differences. The important point is that it is still me up there. If you remember, I am typically introverted naturally, so I had to work hard on my stage presence to ensure I had the right impact. When I first videotaped myself, I had to ask, "Is that really me?" The answer was always yes. When I received feedback that I looked different on stage or on camera, I was all right with that. It is always fun trying different material and in some cases pushing the limits of my personality, to meet audience needs. You need to be comfortable knowing that there may be a different stage you, and feel good about the fact that that can still be the real you.
19. Listen to Yourself After You're Done Listening to Everyone Else (Audio of this chapter is available here.)
Besides listening to your heart pitter-patter out of control, you should absorb all of the feedback provided to you. You will get feedback from multiple sources. Be a sponge and take it all in. It's important to maintain a thick skin and truly think about the feedback provided, to determine how it can most enhance your presentation. Once you've adequately taken it all in, you should then decide if it is right for you. We all become better when we get help. We should thirst for feedback.
It's important to understand, however, that you are not required to adopt all of it. You can find a middle ground. The balanced approach says that you appreciate and respect the feedback, but you are ultimately the final decision maker in what you choose to present and how you present it. This fact alone should give you the comfort and confidence that you are presenting a work that you will be proud of, and that you believe in your message. It is your message. If someone's suggestions ever cause any deviation from this, you should determine whether or not you really want to take that feedback. It is not easy saying no to someone who presented you with the gift of feedback, but you must remember that you are the one standing at the podium.
20. Use Fear as a Motivator (Audio of this chapter is available here.)
If anticipation of speaking publicly still puts knots in your stomach, then use it as motivation. Fear does different things to different individuals. Some people become paralyzed and simply choose to do nothing. Yes, nothing is an option—but there are better options. Avoiding having to present in front of a large group is possible. However, conversations with a client you are trying to sell to or negotiating with individuals will happen in your day-to-day business. Even normal personal interactions may require assertive and confident communication that will only generate fear because you have convinced yourself through the infamous avoidance technique that you are not ready. Avoidance, as a solution, is probably not your best course of action to get over the fear.
Fear can become a motivator that can push you harder, make you more creative, and get you to dig deeper. It can drive you to do your due diligence to prepare for the unexpected or avoid making similar mistakes going forward. You can hit things head on that are the root causes of your fear. Personally, I had to take a different tack in my own preparation after I forgot certain sections of an important speech. I immediately changed when, where, and how often I practiced. Additionally, now when I start to feel anticipation and angst building up, I find extra time to pull out the material again and make sure I know it inside and out.
You do have some control. If you are afraid your message won't stick, invest a significant amount of time into the content and delivery, to make sure the message will stick. If you are uncomfortable with your knowledge of the material, study it and become a subject-matter expert. If you are afraid you are too inexperienced, find stage time to get more experience. Even with all of this, you should understand that despite putting in preparation time and doing your homework, mistakes will be made—no matter how hard you work. You must simply commit to learning from them. Don't let this thing called fear hold you back; see it as the guiding force to get you where you want to be. Stare it in the face, and suddenly your motivation will move you further towards your personal and professional goals. Remember that this natural feeling is holding many others back; by taking actions to reduce the impact fear has on you, you have differentiated yourself from many others. That, in itself, is success.
Make Your Message Count
21. Have a Different Set of Eyes on It (Audio of this chapter is available here.)
Whether you are working on the first or the fifteenth draft of a speech, always seek advice from a friend, a family member, or anyone available throughout the process. It is sound advice to use friends and family to help improve speech delivery. It is also important to get them involved even earlier in the process by looking at the written content. If possible, try to have someone similar to the intended audience (who may more easily relate to the message) see if he or she can grasp the points you are attempting to make. That may not always be possible, but don't trust that you have nailed down your content until others have read it. I have seen myself and others wait too long before having friends and family take a look. This actually creates more work, since you have most likely started memorizing the speech and you may now have to go back and recreate new portions. Find someone with an objective point of view to read through it first.
There may not always be a major overhaul, but changing a single word or re-ordering a sentence can change the audience reaction from a "that's nice" reaction to "Wow!" I once finished in third place in a speech contest. There were only three people in the contest. The feedback I received revolved around the audience not fully understanding my message because the key point wasn't revealed until the end. By simply moving the message to the front and re-emphasizing the point later, I saw tears of joy shed because of my newly revised inspirational message. My speech today would have been collecting dust as a one-time message if I hadn't invested time finding people to read through it in detail.
22. Make Outlines a Powerful Tool (Audio of this chapter is available here.)
We finally select a topic and get over our writer's block. We begin to write out our speech start to finish. Even if we convince ourselves that we will re-work it and refine it, we have left the speech structure potentially in shambles. The process is backwards if we write it, then go back and check to ensure that we have an effective opening, body, and conclusion. We should start with the seed of an idea. The seed may even come out of our folder or notebook of random speech ideas and topics that we want to germinate.
The idea should have the speech intent, message, and audience take-away applied before we add any other text. We need to ensure that the message is clear and the intended effects (e.g., inspiration, motivation, persuasion) are laid out. Before you even begin the writing process, the formulation of a clear message starts with an answer to the question: "What's the purpose of your presentation, speech, or project?" If you can't answer this question, how can you expect your audience to get it? Once the purpose is clear and you have clearly defined your thesis, you are ready to continue massaging the message. Once the message is readily seen, you can then outline the most effective ways to open and close. You can apply the points you want to support the message, and then include memorable stories that speak to these points. Effective public speaking starts with a strong foundation. The outline is that foundation, on which everything else is built.
23. Write Out Your Speech (Audio of this chapter is available here.)
I have heard too many people say that they work well under pressure. I have also heard people say that they are subject-matter experts or have done a presentation so many times that they can just "wing it." My only response is, "Good luck." You will find that effective public speakers are constantly preparing. That preparation is crucial to ensuring that your audience gets the key points you want them to walk away with. If you "wing it," you are potentially leaving out critical points. Your ability to be clear and concise and to stay on track will also be jeopardized.
Writing out the speech in its entirety as the next step after writing an outline ensures that you have a clear plan of attack for covering everything you want covered. Additionally, writing out the speech ensures that you have a full arsenal of economical words for your audience to absorb. A message hits home more quickly and more effectively when you are succinct and thoughtful. You can take the fully scripted speech, after you have practiced it successfully, and trim it back down to an outline or key points you want to make. You should know the script well enough by then that the appropriate points will be emphasized and not forgotten.
Isn't the ability to think quickly on your feet without a script important to your success? I would answer "yes," with a caveat. Impromptu speaking skills are crucial to your growth as a speaker; they help you handle the question-and-answer part, deal with tough audiences, and adapt your material based on the audience's reaction. However, impromptu speaking is really just an extension of well-prepared speaking. The speaker still needs to keep the speech on point and within the expected time limit. The success I have seen with people speaking off the cuff has been sporadic, at best, and rarely duplicated consistently.
24. Write Your Own Introduction (Audio of this chapter is available here.)
Avoid surprises by knowing exactly what is being said about you in your introduction prior to getting up to speak to any audience. The unknown can add to your angst and leave some risks out there for you to then deal with when you come up next. For example, if you are familiar with the introducer, he or she may share anecdotes that duplicate your prepared material. Additionally, the information may not be factually correct if the master of ceremonies did not check with you first. Introductions set the tone for the entire presentation and must be strong to allow for a smooth and effective transition to the featured speaker.
Imagine having a boring or a surprising introduction before you get on. Your shocked face as you approach the lectern or your need to scramble to transition to get back on track may be awkward. In addition to ensuring that your introduction is the way you want it written, you should also invest time with the person introducing you to go over your expectations. You will want to ensure that he or she emphasizes key points you want stressed. Early on, I handed my introduction to my presenters with minimal preparation. It didn't take long to see how many introducers tended to wing it, read my prepared introduction incorrectly, or skip over key facts. At times, I found I needed to invest valuable energy recovering my introduction. The introduction should be considered, and written as, a short speech. As a speaker, you should control factors around you, and the introductory speech is one of them.
Related links:
• Chapter 1: Step into the public forum
• Chapter 2: Find the sources of stage fright
• Chapter 4: Understand that success is possible
• Chapters 5-14: Road to success, the anxiety
Tom Dowd has spoken at many of the Midcoast Rotary, Kiwanis and Lions clubs, is a member of the U.S. National Toboggan Championships Committee, and announcer of the event. He lives in Camden with his wife and three daughters. To read his full biography, click here. He can be contacted at transformationtom.com or tomdowd@roadrunner.com. Follow Tom on twitter: @TomDowd4; connect on Facebook at Thomas Dowd Professional Development & Coaching; and on Linkedin, listed as Thomas B Dowd.
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