During his inconsistent first 20 years in a business environment, Tom Dowd learned lessons, both positive and negative, which transformed into shared professional success. The experiences guide readers to differentiate themselves and enable them to work smarter—not harder—to thrive in corporate chaos that, due to the current economic conditions, has taught the employed and unemployed alike to simply try to survive.

Following is the next chapter in Dowd's book, The Transformation of a Doubting Thomas: Growing from a cynic to a professional in the corporate world. Earlier chapters are linked at the end.

17. Control What You Can Control (You Have More Control Than You Think)

You should stop and ask yourself what you truly have control over. You may find yourself starting down a path of those things you can't control, such as the weather and the stock market (at least not by yourself). You also can't control whether or not other people talk about you, so you might as well give them something good to talk about. If you are part of a large organization, you can't always control something happening in other parts of the company where you don't have oversight. All of these uncontrollable factors may impact your satisfaction level, your frustration level, and your ability to make a difference. You need to trust that your teammates will get the pieces of their job done and be a good partner who will be there to assist when the need does arise.

You should focus on your own little world and the sphere of control you do have. Start with just thinking of you. You have control over your attitude, whether you take action, whether you speak up, and whether you want to offer your ideas. You may not be able to control the root cause of your stress and frustration, but you can control how you deal with that root cause.

Tom has more than 20 years of experience in the financial industry in management and leadership roles, and runs his own business, Thomas Dowd Professional Development & Coaching, as a speaker, author, trainer and coach. Tom developed a series of management presentations into a speaking program called "Powerful Professional Transformation: Unleashing Leadership." The speaking engagements turned into "The Transformation of a Doubting Thomas: Growing from a Cynic to a Professional in the Corporate World," a book detailing Tom's own professional growth based on lessons learned in his career. "Transformation" received honorable mention in the business category at the 2012 New England Book Festival. Tom has since written his second book "From Fear to Success: A Practical Public-speaking Guide."

Tom is currently the vice president of education for Dirigo Toastmasters Club in Belfast. Toastmasters International is a supportive learning environment of more than 270,000 members worldwide looking to improve communication and leadership skills. As a founding member of the club, Tom has been involved in Toastmasters since September 2008. Tom holds advanced communication and advanced leadership certifications with Toastmasters International, including High Performance Leadership certification. In November 2011, Tom was selected as the District 45 Toastmaster of Year, which represents more than 100 clubs in the states of Maine, Vermont, New Hampshire and the three Eastern Canadian Provinces of Prince Edward Island, New Brunswick and Nova Scotia. Tom has also exhibited consistent success when competing at the division (state level equivalent) and district levels in Toastmasters speech contests, which include humorous, inspirational, impromptu and evaluation events. He was the Table Topics Impromptu 2012 District Champion. Additionally, he is a member of the National Speakers Association and a member of the Camden Lions Club.

Tom graduated from the University of Delaware in 1990 with a Communication degree, concentrating on interpersonal and organizational communication.

Tom currently lives in Camden with his wife and three daughters.

I worked for a company in which people were very loyal and were leaders in the industry. As a whole, we were confident and convinced that nobody could run this type of business as well as we could. When the company was bought, it was devastating. Although the buyout saved us from ruin, we still had people walking around saying, "Who bought who?" There was a population of employees convinced that they were better than everyone, though this was just one reaction among many. Some people froze in fear of losing their jobs, while others took a more proactive approach by dusting off their résumés. I personally called a relative who worked for our new company. Her company had been acquired a few years earlier. Her advice was to control what I could control. She even mentioned that with a company this large, I might actually find more opportunities to thrive with a decent attitude. It seemed counterintuitive at the time, but she was right.

How could my small voice control anything in a company so large and that seemed constantly in flux? I began by trying to understand the new company mission and culture. Although this seems basic, the old company had an extremely strong culture. Instead of bringing the best of both worlds together, some people refused to accept the new culture and outwardly spoke against it, and even made fun of it. This type of reaction can cause conflict and limit what is within your own control. I made an effort to embrace the new culture and openly speak about the opportunities in front of us. After a while, if there was still negativity, I took control by avoiding any unnecessary interaction with the cynics.

It was possible to bring over pieces of the old culture that worked, but only after we accepted the new culture and were open enough to adapt. I saw many people leave the company. Some left on their own, while others were caught up in redundant positions and asked to leave. This was not easy to watch. However, many were left in a state of shock and felt as though they lacked control over their destiny. The unknown and unpredictability were scary, and we truly did not know where we would all land. However, we could control the small sphere around us. We could control our effort, or ability to assert ourselves within the new company culture, and keep the best pieces of our business moving forward.

I came to the realization that the old company would not have survived without the acquisition. Although I, too, was loyal and knew we did many things right, I believe I adapted to the new company culture sooner than many others. There were many people from my past in the old company who I felt had held me back or had not given me an objective chance to succeed (perceived or real). Many of these individuals were no longer with the company, either by their own choice or through the new company direction. What did I have to lose? While some others were waiting for instructions, I found myself jumping in with both feet. I decided that I would give it a try and move on if I didn't like it.

The openness to adapt was a boost in my own confidence because I knew that it was one of the things I could control. I started to enjoy it and stopped thinking about what negative things could potentially happen to me. I started thinking instead about the opportunities I could make for myself. I was controlling my attitude. I was having fun being in this unknown, non-prescribed new world. I was controlling my actions. I had new people listening to my ideas and opinions. I was starting to enjoy this clean slate, and felt like I was making a name for myself more than I had in the previous sixteen years.

As the full transition and buy-out was completed, I still saw people holding back and waiting for the next move to be made for them. Almost four years later, I still had conversations with people from the old organization who were still clinging to old habits and laughing at the new company culture. It was almost sad to watch because it was predictable that their success had reached its peak. My message wasn't about full conformance; it was about belief in a new company that we now all worked for together. Hanging on to the old was not controlling what they could control. It would only hold them back.

I remember a conversation with an executive from the old company with whom I had worked on and off for many years. He commented on how he planned to stay low and do just enough to get by. His premise was that it was easy to get lost in a company that large and he could just hold on tight. I felt as if he had lost control of many things he could influence. He minimized his ability to control his attitude, his ability to lead, and his ability to make a difference. Several years later, he maintained this attitude, and he was let go. That was unfortunate.

In the midst of what could have been a disastrous buyout of my old company and my potential long-term career, I found confidence and success because I took control of the things I could control.

18. Show Compassion

In over twenty years with the same company, I have only called out sick two or three times. Early in my career in managing people, I would often comment on why the same people were always on the verge of being placed on corrective action for tardiness or illness. Each time someone called out, I had a cynical response assuming that there was some lack of truth behind why they called out.

I only thought in terms of what stage of life I was in at the time. Prior to being married and having kids, I didn't understand why people couldn't make arrangements to have someone else watch their children. When I got married, I was lucky enough to have a wife who stayed home and dedicated herself to raising our family. Why couldn't their spouse take care of their children? I still had a one-sided view. When my kids were born, I was back to work in a week while other fathers were looking for twelve weeks. When I worked forty-five hours, fifty hours, and sixty hours per week, I didn't understand why people couldn't commit themselves to those same hours. I didn't get it. I lacked the compassion and understanding of what others might be going through.

As part of my progress towards transformation, I began to have 'personal' meetings with my managers. I would periodically set up time and just talk about their families, interests, and hobbies. During these meetings, although it started off very hard for me, I refused to discuss business. I began to learn what motivated people and made them tick. I began to understand the passion people had for things outside of work. At the time, my passion was work. My passion, loyalty, and commitment to my company was the same passion, loyalty, and commitment many people had for their families, hobbies, and other things outside of work. I was beginning to understand.

I ran into someone I used to work with about five years earlier. He had moved to another state. He was still with the company and was visiting our office. We talked about the years when we had put in mind-numbing hours of overtime. I asked him if anyone even remembered that we had put in those hours. We both laughed because we knew the answer was no, and realized that much of it at the time was for non-productive show. The funny thing was that many of the leaders we were so emphatic about impressing were no longer even with the company. What we did remember was the fun we had, the people we touched, and the relationships we built—in simple terms, the things we should care about. When compassion is clear, the job will find a way to get done.

I think it sunk in when I sent an email to one of my direct reports. She was not in the office when one of her people called in sick, so I took the call. My previous cynical side of me would have questioned it. After I hung up, in the past, I'm sure I would have made up in my head the "real" story about why she had called out. Instead, I sent a short and simple email to her manager that read, "Penny's horse died. I finally understand."

19. Set an Example

Be the person you want others to be. This is easy to say but hard to do. Whether we like it or not, in the professional world we are constantly on stage in plain view of people around us. Whether it is the people we work with, work for, or customers we serve, we are always being observed and judged—in person, on the phone, or through written communications. We are constantly being viewed, whether face to face, in conference calls, video conference calls, or just walking down the hall.

Observers are making judgments constantly, and we are being labeled with an ongoing reputation, good or bad, everyday. There is a laundry list of people with reputations in any office, and we have probably worked with them all at one point or other. In some cases, I know I've made my own uninformed observations and judgments of others.

Every company has one of the following: the complainer; the individual who refuses to work unless given A to Z instructions; the person who freezes under pressure; the one too good to associate with others; the one only in it for himself, and at least one overly competitive team member. The list can go on and on, but you get the point. Reputations and judgments can be made quickly and are tough to get rid of. There are traits and personalities that only add to the intensity of the reputations that bubble to the top. In any case, you are constantly being looked at and judged in the eyes of your peers and colleagues.

When our corporate culture was a little looser with expenses and entertainment, we had month-long events in one of our departments. We had contests and practical jokes, all in the supposed context of fun and employee satisfaction. Points could be accumulated as part of the team competition through practical jokes. The event culminated in a festive sports outing during which we went outside to release some tension and have some fun. I was constantly reminded by my manager that it was "supposed to" be fun. I say "supposed to" because over the years of this annual event, the practical jokes got more intense as teams tried to outdo each other. Besides the risk of injury, there was a higher likelihood of risk to reputations if you were a target. The atmosphere began to get a cliquish feel to it, like the days of junior high and high school. The leadership encouraged it. As a manager, I was told to play along.

I like to have fun as much as the next person, but felt the intensity was reaching a level that was pushing the line of professional boundaries. As soon as I had this feeling, I could have done something. There were several examples I could have set. I could have had a long conversation with the leaders who condoned this and clearly stated what was on my mind. I could have reacted better to the jokes that were being played on me. I could have realized nobody was getting hurt and subsequently could have made it more of a team effort.

There were times I felt that I was individually being targeted, which only exacerbated the issue, pushing the jokes to see how much further our competitors could get under my skin. I would come in as early as possible to rid my office of whatever was in it or done to it. In the month-long event, I had a reputation for overreacting to the practical jokes, and I inadvertently created a game in which the other teams would see how much they had to do to keep me from cleaning up their practical jokes before everyone came in to work that day. This caused stress personally and created a divide in an event that was originally intended for the cohesion of the collective group. What kind of example was I setting?

I should have shown more maturity, gotten the right people involved, and set the example. I could have gathered the opinions of the team and determined how they wanted to handle the entire event. If we had talked through it, we may have even found that no one wanted to do any of it, but felt the peer pressure to keep it going. I had the opportunity to set the right example but never chose to take it.

Unfortunately, some of the events brought Human Resources into the picture that forced a long conversation with me. I had a chance to state all of my points. It was not easy or comfortable. However, it felt right. I wish I had set the example and not waited for HR to intervene. Although I moved on to another area the next year, the event was significantly toned down, and the pressure to find the next great practical joke was gone. Instead, it was back to good old-fashioned office fun, with competitions and food. By the way, you can never go wrong in making people happy with food.

Previous chapters:

• Part I-Vision and Mission, Introduction-The Roots of My Transformation

• Part II-The Transformation, Chapter 1-Get a Mentor

• Part II, Chapter 2 - Be a Mentor, and Learn Something Yourself

• Part II, Chapters 3 and 4 - Gain trust and respect; write down your accomplishments

• Part II, Chapters 5, 6, and 7 - Stop and smell the roses; send a note to say thank-you; learn to communicate assertively

• Part II, Chapters 8, 9, and 10 - Winning isn't evertything; 'Wait three months'; stand up for what's right

• Part II, Chapters 11, 12 and 13 - Differentiate yourself; be impatiently patient; prove people wrong

• Part II, Chapters 14, 15 and 16 - Prove people right, have diverse role models, write down your goals