Dear Old Guy welcomes letters on all subjects, including love, marriage, child rearing, even basic plumbing and medical advice. What he doesn’t know, he is happy to make up. After all, he’s just an opinionated Old Guy. Submit your questions to Dear Old Guy here.

Dear Old Guy,

I don’t observe Christmas. In fact my family is made up of several religions that traditionally celebrate a host of winter solstice holidays. It’s the new face of American families, reflective of the new face of society. Here’s the problem. I have noted of late that when I wish some strangers, who I might have had an otherwise pleasant encounter with, Happy Holiday I get a subtlety belligerent Merry Christmas in reply. I know this country is divided is it best not to wish anyone anything at all?

Signed, Merry This, Happy That. I give up, so to all a goodnight!

Dear Merry this,

How fortunate you wrote this letter because I have been hoping to see this subject addressed.

I have a simple rule of thumb. If I know for a fact that someone celebrates Christmas then I say Merry Christmas. If I know for certain they celebrate Hanukah, I say Happy Hanukah. And if I know the person I am offering my best wishes to during this time of year celebrates Saturnalia they I say… well, I don’t know because I haven’t had much of a chance to meet someone observing that festive occasion. As far as anyone else goes, since they are not familiar to me and I just want to be cheerful and inclusive I simply say Happy Holidays. If they don’t like it they can shove my good wishes up their collective backsides… Now, Happy Holidays to all my readers! —O.G.

Dear Old Guy,

My husband just retired. He works around the house all day fixing the many things he didn’t have time to get to during his professional years. Great right? I love it; here’s the but—

All day long he plays the talk radio stations. I recall years ago there were a variety of shows throughout the day — witty psychiatrists, financial advisors, car repair guys, even medical doctors and great story tellers. Now all that comes blasting from the speakers is hate. Hour after hour of hate which seems solely discharged in the name of Christianity. It’s really heartbreaking to hear. It doesn’t matter where you turn the dial either. It’s the same guys over and again on every station. Is it any wonder why this country is such a mess? This being the season to be jolly I felt compelled to bring it up.

Signed, Ashamed for my fellow Christians.

Dear Ashamed for,

I remember the good old days of radio. I was a big fan too. Big fan. Dr. Joyce Brothers, Jean Shepherd, Long John Nebel, Joy Brown. It was informative, entertaining, provocative and most of all, intelligent.

Sometime back in the 1990s, I noticed those shows began to be replaced by very right leaning politicos… radio personalities, one in particular comes to mind, who offered as entertainment discontent, name calling, and divisiveness. Also apparent was a complete lack of debate or the offer of solutions… radio talk became castigate the enemy and take no prisoners. While horrible at least the radio hosts left ministering and religious dogma to the preachers. Now all that has changed. The Republican message has co-opted the Christian faith turning it into something truly bizarre. Unfortunately now the methods that the radio personalities used to gain popularity have become the basis for the candidates of that party. Their campaign strategies don’t include viable solutions or desire to compromise with workable strategies. It’s nothing but pure vitriol.

Before your husband is brainwashed I strongly suggest you get your him some books on tape… that plus you should glue the dial to public radio.

Finally, since I know for sure what holiday you will be celebrating let me wish you a Merry Christmas! —O.G.

Dear Old Guy,

My boyfriend Barry just broke up with me. It’s the Christmas for Pete’s sake. I think that’s just rude. I was wondering if you ever think that revenge is okay and if so, is there something you could recommend? I just want Barry to suffer a little so he’ll see how good I was for him. Can you help me out?

Signed, Love hurts for the holiday

Dear Love hurts,

I don’t usually condone revenge. And though Mathew 5:38 says An Eye For An Eye A Tooth For A Tooth, if we follow that teaching the world would be filled with blind people gumming each other to death. Still, you asked for advice so I won’t force my values on you.

I would call Barry up and tell him that you won the lottery. Next spend every dime you have on him, go into hock if you have to in order to shower Barry with gifts, including a sports car and a yacht if you can pull it off. Then when Barry comes to thank you, you tell him he can keep all that stupid stuff but you were just kidding about the lottery. Lastly please record the meeting and post it for me on YouTube. Happy Holiday—O.G.