Dear Old Guy welcomes letters on all subjects, including love, marriage, child rearing, even basic plumbing and medical advice. What he doesn’t know, he is happy to make up. After all, he’s just an opinionated Old Guy.

Submit your questions to Dear Old Guy here.

Dear Old Guy,

I have been holding this in for quite a while but I can no longer especially because it’s Rosh Hashanah, the beginning of a New Year. Last winter, I went to a bat-mitzvah at our local synagogue. I know the girl and her mom and am also aware of the animus the woman holds for her ex-husband. I was also aware of the rumors that the mother had turned her two daughters against their dad. Anyway, during the ceremony when the girl gave her speech about the meaning of the bat-mitzvah, she kept stressing the importance of family.

It actually sickened me because sitting in the rear of the synagogue was her father who was never once acknowledged in the girl’s talk though other family members fully were. Not only that, but neither before the service or afterwards at the celebration, did the girl acknowledge the presence of her dad.

The mother has been through a number of bad relationships since her divorce that she dragged her girls through and yet she comes out in their eyes as smelling like roses. This has really irked me and I find it hard to make chitchat with this woman and I feel bad for the relationship the girls missed with their father who, by all measures, is a decent man.

That day of the bat-mitzvah I went to the father and understandingly told him I noticed the unfairness of his being excluded. He smiled and thanked me but I could tell he felt bad. I want to give the mother a good piece of my mind but she and I have to live in this town together. What would you have done?

Signed, Holding her tongue

Dear Holding

If what you say is as you describe it’s really unfortunate. Except in a case where the children are in danger, no parent should involve their offspring in a vendetta. Young ones left to their own devices are adept at sizing things up as their relationship with the other parent develops. By the age of 13, typical for a bat-mitzvah, most kids have a good grasp of who their parents actually are… both good and bad.

As for the young lady at the center of your story, it’s a real shame. She’s learned nothing of family. Yes, she went through the motions of a bat-mitzvah but really did little more than what a trained parrot could do.

I hope some day she feels bad enough about it to learn for herself who her father really is. Then she can decide if he is worthy of being in her life. As for the mother, her underbelly is greased by revenge for some perceived slight and will never see her own contribution to the divorce or the damage done to her children. It’s for that reason I suggest you continue to hold your tongue and especially because it’s the New Year, let it go. —O.G. 

Dear Old Guy,

Can you settle an argument between my mechanic husband and I. He says metric is smaller than standard. I say he’s crazy. Can you explain it to him for me?

Signed, Won’t measure up.

Dear Won’t,

Your husband is old like me, right? I still use and always will use the nice old system based on the inch and gallon. All I know about that metric stuff is how to put quarters into meters. I do that when parking in the city. If all that centimeter and millimeter stuff makes no sense to a smart man like him imagine how I feel. —O.G.

 Dear Old Guy,

I’m 16 and my parents won’t let me get a tattoo. All I want is a small butterfly on my right ankle but the shop won’t do it unless my mom or dad go in with me and sign some legal paper. How do I convince them? Help, I’m desperate.

Signed, Wants Ink

Dear Old Guy,

I understand my daughter had written to asking for your help in getting a small tattoo. My husband and I are opposed to this and hope you can talk her out of it. We read your column every week and hope you’ll do the right thing.

Signed Wants Ink’s mom.

Dear Mother and Daughter,

What? I thought for sure dad would write, too. Okay, we’ll assume he’s listening.

Daughter, don’t get a tattoo. I knew guys who got them years ago during the war and trust me, when you get older that pretty picture will look like vomit. I understand you want to look cool like other kids but trust me, this is a fad that’s about to breath its last. What you have to understand as well is that tattoos are addictive. Lots of people start with the intention of just one but before they know it they’re covered wrists to armpits and beyond. Being cool is sometimes resisting the impulse to do what everyone else is doing.

Now, Mother, for the sake of peace you may have to compromise. I understand there are special inks or dyes such as Henna which will fade in time. Offer something like that to your daughter as an option. When she’s out of the house in a few years she can do whatever she wants but maybe by then she’ll have the idea of permanent ink out of her system.

Finally you should both educate yourselves to the many allergic reactions to the inks and dyes used in tattoos and some of the awful infections incurred. —O.G.

For Golden Years Lady, Thanks for your input about Golden Years guy’s letter. I think what you suggested I tell him is what I told him… but maybe I was a little gentler, if you can believe it! —O.G.