Dear Old Guy welcomes letters on all subjects, including love, marriage, child rearing, even basic plumbing and medical advice. What he doesn’t know, he is happy to make up. After all, he’s just an opinionated Old Guy.

Submit your questions to Dear Old Guy here.

Dear Readers,

I am back from vacation and, apparently, just in time. The mail is stacking up. My trip to Wanahooloohana in the Western Pacific was just what the doctor ordered. OK, actually my lawyer ordered it, but fortunately all charges against me have been dropped and I have returned stateside. I hope those of you who needed help in my absence were well served by my bright and precocious grandniece. Now, let’s get started—

Dear Old Guy,

Where did my half-foot countersink go? I had it just a minute ago. Is this place haunted or what?

Signed, Countersunk

Dear Countersunk,

My guess is you to look under the /sink counter/ for your countersink. First try in the kitchen behind the drain cleaner… and if it isn’t there try the bathroom underneath the hundreds of used Q-tips that never made it into the waste basket. If it’s still missing please write back and I’ll lend you mine if I can find it. —O.G.

Dear Old Guy,

I need your advice. I am a single 47-year-old woman. Over the past year, all of my close friends have seemed to move away and I find my self wallowing at home more often that is healthy. I have no idea how to meet new people my age with similar interests. What do you suggest?

Signed Lonely Wanderer

Dear Lonely,

I sympathize with your situation. I’ll guess that you are not writing from a big city, though it’s just as possible to be lonely in New York as it is Smalltown, Maine. And I will caution you, before I answer, that just because someone has interests similar to yours doesn’t mean they are a good person. For example, both my ex wife and Benito Mussolini loved Italy… but don’t think for a minute the dictator could have put up with my ex for a minute. OK, now that that’s clear, let’s look at how to meet people in a small town.

The first thing that comes to mind is jury duty. It’s a really a great way to meet people who are so bored they will open up to you with all sorts of things. Day after day you’ll sit around the courthouse with nothing to do but talk. I’ve known lasting friendships to begin this way.

Another way to meet people around here is to park by the side of a road with your hood up. That really separates the wheat from the chafe in terms of the kind of person you’ll meet. It’s usually some nice looking Good Samaritan male type clearly not in a rush to be anywhere. OK, sometime’s it isn’t a fella with the best of intentions, but life is about taking chances. Dear Abby says so all the time. 

Now, all kidding aside, get a good thick book and head over in the evenings to one of the many nice restaurants in town. Not a bar, but rather a classy joint. Order a drink, coffee will do, and begin to read. Guaranteed if you do this on a regular basis you will find people to talk to, breaking your cycle as a shut-in and, in short order, if you are open to it, new friendships will begin. By the way, this works with some of the breakfast joints, as well. Oh, last point on this. Tip your waiter and waitresses as generously as you can. —O.G.

Dear Old Guy,

Do you believe the stars have anything to do with romance?

Signed, Ernestina the Hopeless Romantic

Dear Ernestina,

Let me start by saying I never did like the term Hopeless Romantic. Try Hopeful Romantic. After all, romanticists by their very nature are hopeful. Aren’t we?

As to your question, do I believe the stars have something to do with romance? The answer is yes, but some of it depends on the kind of wine you are sharing while under them. —O.G.