Dear Old Guy welcomes letters on all subjects, including love, marriage, child rearing, even basic plumbing and medical advice. What he doesn’t know, he is happy to make up. After all, he’s just an opinionated Old Guy.

Submit your questions to Dear Old Guy here.

Dear Old Guy,

I would really like my five-year old daughter Amy to start taking responsibility. Getting her to do simple chores, like making her bed, is like pulling teeth. What jobs would be realistic for me to expect of her and how could I get her to do them?                                                         

               Signed, No help here

Dear No help,

Five years old might be kind of young to expect much. Two ideas come to mind. First you might get your kid one of those colorful fighting fish that come in the plastic bag from the pet store or local carnival. Show Amy how to take care of it… feeding, cleaning the bowl, checking the acidity level of the water, those sorts of things. When the fish dies, as it invariably will, your girl will begin to understand the importance of responsibility.

Now, if my first suggestion seems extreme, then try having your precious one work along side you as you do daily chores. At some point she will take satisfaction in a job well done, just maybe not for another 20 years.                         —O.G.

Dear Old Guy,

My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship (3.5 hours apart) and have been dating a year. When we see each other, the conversation is great and he's lots of fun, but our physical relationship hasn't ever been great; he's often tired or gassy or just not in the mood or unable to. Last weekend when he visited, his text went off late at night and I found out that he's been seeing and sleeping with a lot of other women! I'm heartbroken! He says he was unsure about us because of the long distance and so he slipped back into bad habits but it doesn't mean anything. It does to me! I'm writing because we had a trip planned to France in April — he's paying — and now I'm not sure I should go but I don't want him to take 'our' trip with some other woman.

Signed, PLEASE ADVISE.

Dear PLEASE,

Wow! Am I in trouble! You talk about being tired and gassy as if they’re undesirable characteristics.

Okay, here’s my take: If this guy is unfaithful and blaming you to boot, then get out. Simple!  

But wait! Now let’s look at you a moment. Judging by how you describe your love interest I’d say you don’t even like him. Despite that, and possessed with the knowledge that he is cheating on you, you are still considering taking a trip to France because he’s paying and also because you are jealous he will be passing his wind with another woman. Did I sum that up correctly?

If you have any self respect, now is the time to discover it. Otherwise there’s a word to describe a woman who sleeps with men she doesn’t like for the monetary perks. If you don’t know what word I’m thinking of send a self addressed stamped envelope to me care of this newspaper… just please, don’t lick it.       —O.G.  

Dear Old Guy,

Is this the strangest winter you've ever seen, or what? I wonder if the extreme cold we had made it possible for someone to stab their mate with a squirrel. Are our native tree rats in danger? Can we expect some help from PETA, or will we have to worry about random attacks with rodents?

And while you're at it, Did Peyton get drunk before the game? Lost a bundle on that one.Darn, made me want to bash someone with a groundhog.

                                                                                    —Signed Jimmy

Dear Jimmy,

Is it wise to be stealing your grandmother’s medications?

Sounds to me maybe you’re a bit lonely tonight. I understand. But rest assured, if you can afford a couple of tickets to Paris you don’t have to be lonely anymore. Good luck.                                                                                                  —O.G.