Dear Old Guy welcomes letters on all subjects, including love, marriage, child rearing, even basic plumbing and medical advice. What he doesn’t know, he is happy to make up. After all, he’s just an opinionated Old Guy.

Submit your questions to Dear Old Guy here.

Dear Old Guy,

Just before my widowed mother passed away she made me promise to take care of her hateful toy fox terrier. The little bugger barks incessantly, bites ankles as a greeting and pees on the floor, laughing at me as he does it. The funeral for my mom is tomorrow and frankly, despite my grief, I am tempted to toss the bugger in the grave before it’s shoveled over. What would you do?

Signed Pet Unwanted

Dear Pet,

I like your plan. I tried something similar. When my mother-in-law’s cat Morris died I tried to have the woman cremated with him even though she was still living. Needless to say she caught on when I wrapped her up in tin foil. Let me know how things turn out. —O.G. 

Dear Old Guy,

I recently went to a middle school concert. While there talking to one of the parents I noticed the distinct smell of hard liquor on his breath. He is divorced and he and his wife don’t speak. I know that it was his night to take car of his daughter and that he drove her to the concert and that she was going home with him. I thought about it but ended up minding my own business. Fortunately there wasn’t any sort of accident but I keep kicking myself. What should I have done?

Signed, I’m a pansy

Dear Pansy,

There was only one thing to do. If the child’s mother was there you needed to let the woman know immediately. If the mother wasn’t there you should have brought it to the attention of the highest school administrator present and insist the police be contacted. Nobody’s feelings trump the safety of a kid. Unfortunately you didn’t do that but it is still on you to let the child’s mother know. Now, don’t wimp out. Do the right thing. —O.G.

Dear Old Guy,

My mother and I are really close. I am 13. There is only one problem. She doesn’t know I go out with boys. She is always bragging to her friends that I am different and not interested in that sort of thing. I want to know if I should tell her. The one other time I lied to her she cried because I kept a secret from her. I need help.

Signed, Healthy Interest

Dear Healthy,

Gee, there seems to be so much you’ve left out of your letter. How do you “date” at your age without a parent knowing? My guess would be you are pretty unsupervised… what we used to call a latch key kid. Why is your mother /proud/ that you have no interest in boys? Religious issues? Interest is fine, what you do about /interest/ at your age is another story.

Without knowing your whole situation I can’t offer very good counsel. I will tell you this, if for some reason you fear talking to your mother then get to a trusted adult at school or somewhere. You need to make sure that the first time you mom hears of your interest isn’t because you have to tell her you’re pregnant. —O.G.