Dear Old Guy welcomes letters on all subjects, including love, marriage, child rearing, even basic plumbing and medical advice. What he doesn’t know, he is happy to make up. After all, he’s just an opinionated Old Guy.

Submit your questions to Dear Old Guy here.

Dear Old Guy,

 I am happily married with three kids ranging from six to 10 years old. I know that sounds impossible but it’s true. My problem is with our neighbor just next door. With only a driveway between us she sunbaths nude on her back porch. With the warm weather coming I know she’ll be starting again soon. I need this to stop as it is very hard to keep my kids from seeing her. Last summer I mentioned something to her about it but my request went unheeded. Please tell me what to do.

                                                                             Signed, Make Her Stop

Dear Make,

I take this situation very seriously. If you send me your address so I could study the problem in more depth…

 OK, I learned the hard way how serious an invasion of this sort is, and I’ll tell you what my neighbors did to keep me from laying out naked on our redwood picnic table. Gather all your friends and family, except your kids who will be off getting an ice cream with their dad. Then stand by this lady’s porch while she is performing her stunt. Stare at her and stare and stare. Believe me, little Miss Nude Bottom will get the message quick enough. —O.G.

Dear Old Guy,

I am a single mom of a wonderful son in high school. We receive no help from his father, who left many years ago. Recently, I have become somewhat ill and can no longer hold a job. Brent, who has worked like mad to save money for college next year, is now insisting on using his school savings to get us through these hard times. I refuse to take his money because it’s the only chance at a future he has. How can I make him understand?

                Signed, Not Fair

Dear Not,

Brent does understand. You raised a great kid and any one like him will have more than one chance in life. Don’t flatly refuse to accept. Stall for as long as you can, telling Brent that when the time comes you will let him know. Things could change for you and at least he won’t be hurt by a refusal. I also might suggest contacting the school where he’ll be going. No telling how they might be able to help. Good luck to you both, —O.G.

Dear Old Guy,

Mine is a question of proper procedure or perhaps etiquette regarding waiting in line, specifically at the drive-up window at the bank. My bank has several drive-up lanes and there is usually more than one open at a time. When I pull up and all open lanes are occupied, is it proper to “hang back” a bit and not commit to a particular lane to see which one becomes available first or must I just take my chances and commit? If I arrive and all lanes are occupied and there is someone waiting but uncommitted to a lane, do I wait behind them or can I drive around them and commit to a lane? Inside the bank there is one line and customers wait for the next available teller but the same rule doesn’t seem to apply to the drive-up lanes. The same could be said for the grocery store (where I inevitably choose the slowest line).

Signed, Curious about the Queue

Dear Curious,

Ah, a question of etiquette! I wish more people concerned themselves with such things!

OK. The difference is that inside the bank there is one line that feeds the tellers as they become available. Outside by the drive-up, as in the grocery store, there are no rules. Yes, I know it’s tempting to hang back and take a gamble as to which line is actually moving. But frankly, after years of betting on the wrong horse, I have come to the conclusion that, averaged over a lifetime, stopping to figure out the speedy drive-up window or grocery cashier won’t give you any advantage. All too often you can get behind someone buying three bananas and a canned ham only to find it takes him 10 minutes to write out a check. Meanwhile, next queue over, three housewives with carts brimming and a college kid who is supplying the snacks for a kegger, have zipped through in no time flat.

So my advice: Make your call as you come around the bend and stick to it. If someone else is hanging back as if it’s a major life choice you have my permission to go around them. Life is too short to be indecisive.  

By the way, that’s me with the bananas writing the check. —O.G.