Dear Old Guy welcomes letters on all subjects, including love, marriage, child rearing, even basic plumbing and medical advice. What he doesn’t know, he is happy to make up. After all, he’s just an opinionated Old Guy.

Submit your questions to Dear Old Guy here.

Dear Old Guy

If you suspect someone is doing you wrong, is it okay to snoop for evidence before you rock the boat?

                         Signed Sherlock

Dear Sherlock,

It really depends on who you are snooping on. Think your kid is doing drugs? Yea, break the lock on their dresser drawer. Think your wife or girlfriend is being untrue? Yea break the lock on their dresser drawer. Think the guy at the deli counter is putting his thumb on the scale? Yea break the lox off… The point is it really depends on what you think the suspected wrong is. I’ll take a wild guess here that this is something personal. For that I think it’s best to find a diplomatic way to bring the subject up and mention why you think the way you do. Then if you don’t believe the person, or are unwilling to give them the benefit of the doubt well, say adios amigo! Why? Because as the old saying goes, there can’t be love where there isn’t trust. Finally, if this happening because you are a person with trust issues then it should still be adios amigo because you are not ready to be in a relationship. Think about that one!  —O.G.

Dear Old Guy,

My girlfriend and I are in our 60s. I bought us tickets to a special food and wine event two hours away. The tickets were $250 and the hotel was $150. We were all seated across from our dates, at long tables. On one side of us was a decent older married couple we enjoyed conversing with. On the other side of us was a 50-something woman and her 40-something friend, also a woman, both announced they were 'divorced and looking' after the second glass of wine. As the event progressed, these women got friskier and began to flirt with me. I did not encourage it at all. I was appalled and quietly spoke to the woman beside me and asked her to refrain from making a fool of herself and ruining the evening for my girlfriend and me. She toned it down. My girlfriend and I turned our attention away from these women and they both put their business cards beside my plate. My girlfriend I made the best of things, but the event was spoiled. What should I have done?

        Signed, I am not accustomed to the rudeness of strangers…

Dear Not Accustomed,

            You handled the situation well. Things like this just happen all the time, though not to me. You must be much better looking than I am. Here’s the thing. Rather than looking at the event as having been spoiled you should view it as an affirmation that your girlfriend is a wonderful woman. You and she made the best of the situation. Now, any chance you know where the whereabouts of the two women who were sitting with you? —O.G.

Dear Old Guy,

I am 46 years old and my friends tell me that I have no sense of humor. I really don't know what to do...

I was invited to a going away party for one of my friends last week, so I brought a book of jokes to tell. I did tell them, and no one thought that they were funny. I was so embarrassed. You seem like a person with a good sense of humor. What should I do to be more funny?

                                                          Signed Rowan and Martin

Dear Rowan and Martin,

           First of all, what you did was one of the funniest things I’ve heard of in a long time. You do have a sense of humor… but that has nothing to do with telling jokes. Some people can’t tell them. I have proof. Many years ago a very funny friend and I were out in a pub having a nice conversation with some ladies. One in particular volunteered the fact that she could not tell a joke to save her life. Determined to prove her wrong Mike and I set out to teach her the classic…

A kangaroo goes into a bar and asks the bartender, how much for a gin and tonic? The Bartender, he says, $15, but you know we don’t get many kangaroos in here. The Kangaroo, he looks at the bartender and tells him, At those prices I’m not surprised…

Mike and I spent the entire rest of the evening trying to teach this poor girl, line by line, the kangaroo story. Despite having two very clever tutors she could not get it right. It was dismal. I hope you see my point. Telling jokes is one thing but being funny? I know if you really think about it you’ve got that one covered! —O.G.