Dear Old Guy welcomes letters on all subjects, including love, marriage, child rearing, even basic plumbing and medical advice. What he doesn’t know, he is happy to make up. After all, he’s just an opinionated Old Guy. Submit your questions to Dear Old Guy here.

Dear Old Guy,

I’m a senior in middle school. I have a girlfriend who is my best friend, too. It’s like, we share everything. Well, Sally is only my girlfriend because she insisted that we begin dating and that’s my problem. Sometimes I like Sally as a girl and sometimes I like her as a friend only and that’s bad because I think I want to break up with her but then if I do she won’t want to be friend or girlfriend. Besides, I never had to break up with anyone before. I wonder if maybe I should just wait for Sally to do the breaking up with me. Is that a good plan?

Signed, Not ready to date?

Dear Not ready,

Well, aren’t you in a pickle! I’ll start by saying don’t count on your plan working. The first time I tried waiting for someone to do the breaking up I was at Claremont Junior High. Eventually the Army took me away. The second time I attempted your type of plan… well, it’s been 45 years and I’m still waiting. Yea, forget that plan.

This is what many adults don’t even realize about human interaction, which may be why the divorce rate is so high: Simply put, some days you love more than others. Pure and simple.

I’ll hazard a guess that sometimes you think you mom or dad are the greatest people on earth and on other days you could take them or leave them, while at other times you just wish they would drop dead. Well, young man, it works that way in all relationships. You just have see how things average out over time. That’s the way to know how you really feel. It’s the same thing with this Sally. Ask yourself how you feel about her on average. Then you’ll know what to do. If you decide to stay with her, then good. If not, well then, be prepared, because sometimes, especially at your age, you have to break up several times in order for it to take. One hint though. I will tell you what usually works in a pinch… put on a ton of weight. Really. Well, time for me to get back to my box of cream filled doughnuts. —O.G.

Dear Old Guy,

Here come the holidays again along with an issue that has been growing in our home for five years. You see, I celebrate the holiday that uses the candles every night for eight nights while my wife does the one involving the fat red costumed guy. Neither of us believes in God but we seem to be having disagreements over how we will raise our daughter as she grows up. I never thought this would be something that came between the missus and I. Is there a solution that neither of us are thinking of?

Signed, Which one?

Dear Which one,

Your dilemma is not all that unusual. And as stupid as it may seem, even within the same religion there are divisions that have broken up families and, to this day, bring war and death worldwide. This, of course, is the downside to being staunchly committed to any singular belief. Though I doubt we will ever be able to repair humanity we can try by starting at home. Here’s my recommendation:

Celebrate the history and traditions of the holidays that are important to you and your wife. Share with your child stories of how you celebrated in your youth and what the holiday means to you. As for the rest, just enjoy yourselves. After all, God gave up on religion a long time ago. —O.G.

Dear Old Guy,

I have a 1971 Gremlin. You know the car. Looked like the front half an AMC Matador. Mine has the small block V8 under the hood. I’ve had this auto since I was a teenager, and don’t ask me how, but I have managed to keep it all these years.

Last Fall, I decided to have the car restored with the idea if presenting it to my granddaughter, Clara, for Christmas. She just turned 16 and her parents won’t buy her a car even though she’s very responsible. Well, just last week I accidently spilled the beans to my son about my plans for the Gremlin and he flat out refused to allow it. My daughter-in-law is behind him 100 percent. Is there any way I can convince them to let me to give Clara the car? Their telephone number is 299-657-12$7. Maybe you can give them a call because there isn’t much time left. Thanks.

Signed, Grandpa Drosselmeyer

Dear Grandpa,

Your gift is generous. I have one question for you. Are you nuts? Do you want to get your dear Clara killed? That Gremlin is a suicide machine. I know I had one. Mine was only a 6 cylinder but the tiny car was so overpowered it was hard to control in the best of circumstances. The reason there aren’t many left is because most of them got wrapped around trees and street poles. I would say you have been remarkably lucky not to have the same thing happen to you… but maybe your time is coming. I suppose if you wanted to do something nice for your granddaughter that involves the car you could take out a huge life insurance policy with Clara as named beneficiary. Then take a long drive. The money she receives from your insurance should pay for a nice safe Hummer and college as well.

Another approach, and you may want to check with your son first, is to sell, yes I said sell, the Gremlin and put the money towards a reasonably safe auto that Clara’s parents agree to. I know you all want to see her grow up to be happy and healthy. —O.G.