Dear Old Guy welcomes letters on all subjects, including love, marriage, child rearing, even basic plumbing and medical advice. What he doesn’t know, he is happy to make up. After all, he’s just an opinionated Old Guy. Submit your questions to Dear Old Guy here.

Please forgive my long, unexpected hiatus. It has nothing to do with the unsuccessful strike by Local 04856, the Union of Online Advice Columnists. I understand those involved in the walkout were hoping for a contract clause allowing us to put in our own three cents… up a full penny from the two cents we’ve been putting in all these years.

I was away due to a personal tragedy, which was compounded by something I need to warn each and every one of you about… a life and death event that is best summed up in a letter I received over the summer—

Dear Old Guy,

Since an accident five years ago my elderly mother, who lives in a big city far, far away, has been in the hands of a full time caregiver. During this time, I talked with mom daily to see how she was doing and visited several times a year. Though I asked her to do so on many occasions, my mother would not move to live nearby; wanting instead to remain in her own home until her dying day. I was also in regular communication with the caregiver and though some things seemed irregular, I was assured everything was fine by a family member, Barry, who had power of attorney. Several times, at my request he looked into her finances and reported that he didn’t see anything suspicious. Because Barry is a lawyer and trusted family member I took him at his word.

This past May I received a frantic call from the caregiver, ‘you’re mother is out of money and her broker says she has to get a reverse mortgage on the house.’

Imagine my surprise. My mother, always very frugal, had almost a million in a stock portfolio, plus a pension and social security left to her by my late father. Right after the caregiver contacted me a confused call from my mother confirmed the news. I was immediately suspicious and contacted the broker. He stated that my mother was indeed broke but was clear, too, that he never suggested a reverse mortgage. It was then I was certain the caregiver had drained the accounts and was now trying to get the cash value of the house but there was nothing I could get Barry to do. He was in complete denial.

A week later my mother “fell” down the stairs in her home. Only the caregiver was present. Don’t get me started on trying to report that to the police… they don’t care.

At this point Barry, with his power of attorney swung into action. Sort of. While my mother was in the hospital he put the house up for sale so she could pay her bills. When my mother was able to be moved I had her flown to Maine where she never recovered from a head injury. She passed away about a month later in a local facility.

The short of it is the caregiver had cleaned out my mother’s accounts for hundreds of thousands of dollars, plus tens of thousands in credit card charges. The exact amount is unknown.

I am writing to warn everyone out there, be very watchful. I always thought this is something that happened to other people. And especially saddening is that at the time of my mother’s passing the family was too embattled with recriminations to allow proper grief and remembrances their due.

Signed, Mourning in Maine

Dear Mourning,

Thanks for your eloquent letter. Here is my response:

Readers be warned! You need to have a serious conversation with you older parents. Parents, you need to talk to your adult kids. Find a way to avoid the situation this man’s family found itself in. In most cases no one can look after the affairs of loved ones as well as loved ones, and just because someone in the family is a lawyer doesn’t mean it is best left to them.

Now, to all the elderly: Take care not to leave your children a mess. Let them monitor your finances because there are too many ways you can be scammed and taken advantage of. Have your affairs all worked out in advance because, like it or not, there’s a good chance you are going to need care when you get old and a certainty that you are going to die. Some of us will even wish death rather than face another winter like the last one.

Don’t trust caregivers with your checks or jewelry or credit cards. Don’t put temptation before them. There are too many stories like the one described above.

When my mother was still alive I used to joke with her, please move to Maine, so at least it’s your family that’s stealing from you. I wish now I had forced the issue. —O.G.

On another subject, to clear my desk of the myriad of letters from this past summer that went unanswered, I will briefly address some of the highlights and hope my answers are not too late to help.

Yes, Larry call 911.

Mary, he needs to know he’s not the father.

Bernard, if you can reach that far, by all means scratch.

Sarah, four ounces is a good start but your but your bathroom scale could be off by that much, too.

To Marty with the Mazda, try getting a set of metric wrenches.

Mrs. Applegate, No, those streaks in the sky are not a precursor to alien invasion

And finally to Is this goodbye: In the old days they used to hold a small mirror up to someone’s nostrils. If the glass fogged they were still breathing. In your case, since your husband hasn’t moved in three weeks I’d say it’s time to call a funeral home.

—O.G.